ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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