peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
