Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Where are you guys?
Drunk
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
