i just had sex bonerless
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You need Xanax blowdarts
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
