I just made out with a guy for $7.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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