I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
