She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
