hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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