I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
