My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
her vagine was all disorganized.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize