just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
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He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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