I want to have your abortion
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
