So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
