I think i peed on brittanys purse
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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