dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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