I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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