if you like me you must not know who I am
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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