happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Never joke about your clitoris.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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