im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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