if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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