You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
