you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
