Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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