Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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