i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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