I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
