i wish my penis had a tongue
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I think people are normalizing furries
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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