Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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