You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
