He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
