Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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