Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
And then my night got REAL pukey
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize