Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
