and you said cock pushups were impossible
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize