i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
