I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
