so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Randomize
