so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
