I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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