Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
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you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
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My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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