i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
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