I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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