he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
