You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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