i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
