I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
