He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Princesses don't give blow jobs
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
