ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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