Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
