yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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