How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Little spoons don't ask big questions
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
