Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
