Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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