Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
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She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
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either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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