FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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