just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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