DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Screwed.edu
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
