Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize