I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
