I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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