it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
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He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
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I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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