If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
