I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
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Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
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On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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