his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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