she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
